Patron Jokes / Recent Jokes

Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant every day. Patron 2: I dont tip, either.

A man walks into a bar, sits down at a bar stool a says barkeep give me a double scotch.
The barkeep provides the man with his order. The man gulps it down and orders another. The barkeep pours him another. At this point the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny little piano, he reaches again into his pocket and pulls out a little man about a foot tall. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing beautiful music. The man downs his next drink and orders another. The bartender is amazed by the music this little man is playing and asks the patron where he found him. The patron replys that he was a wish granted by a genie and produces a lamp from his pocket. The patron says to the barkeep go ahead rub it and a genie will appear. I still have 2 wishes left you may use one. The bartender rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie appears. The genie tells the man to whisper into his ear a wish and that he would grant it. The man whispers to the genies ear suddenly bam more...

A man walks into a bar, sits down at a bar stool a says barkeep give me a double scotch.
The barkeep provides the man with his order. The man gulps it down and orders another. The barkeep pours him another. At this point the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny little piano, he reaches again into his pocket and pulls out a little man about a foot tall. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing beautiful music. The man downs his next drink and orders another. The bartender is amazed by the music this little man is playing and asks the patron where he found him. The patron replys that he was a wish granted by a genie and produces a lamp from his pocket. The patron says to the barkeep go ahead rub it and a genie will appear. I still have 2 wishes left you may use one. The bartender rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie appears. The genie tells the man to whisper into his ear a wish and that he would grant it. The man whispers to the genies ear suddenly bam more...

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer. "We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too." "Very clever!" remarks the other patron. Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?" "Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being refered to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?" "Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, r "but you better get them more...

Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes, and that's why they are the late heads of Europe.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Listen," he says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?"
"We'll see," says the bartender.
So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play.
"Impressive," says the bartender, "but I'll need to see more."
"Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River."
A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog."
"Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves.
"It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune."
"Not really," says the guy, "The hamster is also a vantriloquist."

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks "This guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out.
He promptly hollers at the bartender: "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says: "Shay mister, taste this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"It tastes like more...