Pay Jokes

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a Pathan got on. Six feet four, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the conductor and said, "Pathan doesn`t pay!" and sat down at the back. Conductor didn`t argue with Pathan, but he wasn`t happy about it. The next day the same thing happened? Pathan got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Pathan was taking advantage of poor conductor. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what`s more, he felt really good about himself. So, on the next Monday, when more...

Crime doesn't pay, but the hours are good.

#1 Once you have their money... never give it back.
#3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
#6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
#7 Keep your ears open.
#8 Small print leads to large risk.
#9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
#10 Greed is eternal.
#13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
#16 A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
#18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
#19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
#21 Never place friendship above profit.
#22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
#27 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest business man.
#31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother... insult something he cares about instead.
#33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
#34 Peace is good for business.
#35 War is good for business.
#40 She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
#41 Profit is it's own more...

This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine. It was taken seriously by a lot of people...

MONEY
The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

MAKING FRIENDS
If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser"- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

CUSTOMS
Since their Labour government whole heartedly embraced full union with Europe the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two or more...

Teachers are paid too much!! I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salaries for only 9 months work! What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd pay teachers babysitting wages.

That's right...instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them $3.00 an hour. And, I'm only going to pay them for 5 hours, not planning time. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to baby sit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private daycare.

Now how many children do they teach a day--maybe 20? That's $15.00 x 20 = 300.00 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all the vacations: $300.00 x 180 =$54,000. (Just a minute my calculator must need batteries.)

What will teachers say about those who have 10 years of experience and a master's degree? Well, maybe (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage. We can round more...