Peanut Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and some peanut butter?
A: Either an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth, or peanut butter that never forgets.

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother more...

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The mother said to the young man, "That was wonderful. You should be a doctor!"
The ungrateful father jumped up, twisted the boy's arm behind his back and yelled, more...

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The mother said to the young man, "That was wonderful. You should be a doctor!"The ungrateful father jumped up, twisted the boy's arm behind his back and yelled, "Doctor, my ass! more...

Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to roof of mouth.

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk,' hey there buddy,' it hollers,' you're looking mighty fine tonight!'The guy can't believe what he is seeing.' This sure is some strong beer!' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak, 'hey asshole, go screw yourself!' it yells. The guy can't believe it and decides to ask the bartender what's going on.' Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men's room, your cigarette machine just swore at me.''Let me explain,' replies the bartender' the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order.'

Q. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A. Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q. What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A. "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A. A wine cellar.
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on her.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for french fries.
Q. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1. 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2. Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3. Two... one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
Q. Why don't blondes double recipes?
A. The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q. Why don't blondes breast feed?
A. Because they always burn their nipples.
Q. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A. Because they can't more...