Pearly Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three nuns died and all went up to Heaven. When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter told them that before they could enter into Heaven each of them would have to answer a question.
St. Peter asked the first nun who the first man on earth was. She quickly answered Adam and was granted entrance.
St. Peter then asked the second nun who the first woman on earth was. Without hesitation, she answered Eve and was immediately admitted into Heaven.
Turning to the third nun, St. Peter asked what the first thing Eve said to Adam was. After several minutes of silence the nun, not knowing the answer said, "Oh boy, that's a hard one!"
She was quickly admitted into Heaven.

Three guys die on Christmas Eve and are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. "In honor of the Season," St. Peter says, "each of you must possess something that symbolizes Christmas."
The first man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out two lighters. Holding them up proudly, he flicks them on.
"What do they symbolize?" asks St. Peter.
"They're candles!" replies the man.
"Ah, yes! You may pass through the Pearly Gates," says St. Peter.
The second man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out a couple sets of keys. He holds them up proudly and shakes them.
"What do they symbolize?" inquires St. Peter.
"They're bells!" the man replies.
"Ah, yes! You may pass through the Pearly Gates," says St. Peter.
The third man fumbles desperately through his pockets. Finally, he pulls out a skimpy pair of silk panties and proudly holds them up.
Puzzled, St. Peter asks, "What more...

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.
St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter`s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.
Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?"
St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, more...

A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.""I don't know!" she flounders."Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity.""Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her more...

3 men die in a car crash and are sent to the pearly gates. Having all lived good lives, they were all allowed in but they had certain restrictions. God told them that he would ask them a question. They should answer truthfully and depending on how they answer they will receive a home and a vehicle.
God asked the first man, "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"
The man said, "None. Never once."
God says, "Good. For being faithful you get a mansion and a stretch limo with a chaffeur."
Then God asks the second man how many times he's cheated.
The man says, "Only twice."
God says, "That is bad but at least you lived the rest of your life well. Have a 2 story house and a nice SUV."
Then God asks the third man the same question as the first two.
The third man says, "Lord, 8 times. I am sorry."
God is appalled, but the man is still a good man and he lets him in with an apartment and a more...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

“Welcome to Heaven, ” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you. ”

“No problem, just let me in, ” said the woman.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. ”

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind…I prefer to stay in Heaven”, replied the woman.

“Sorry, we have rules…” And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an elevator and which slowly descended to the depths of more...

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, "1,228." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."