Pearly Jokes / Recent Jokes

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into theiceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

The pope and an attorney arrived at the Pearly Gates at just the same time, and St. Peter showed them to their quarters. First the pope was taken to his room, a small, spartan cubicle with a chair, a desk, and a Bible. Then the lawyer was shown to his room, a massive duplex with women, wine, and a huge waterbed,
"Excuse me," said the lawyer to St. Peter, "there must be some mistake. Shouldn't the pope have this room?"
St. Peter shook his head. "No. We have dozens of popes in heaven, but you're our first attorney."

One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.
walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God,
there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".
God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell."
St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they`re gone, they`re gone!"
"Who, the New Yorkers?".
"No, the Pearly Gates."

Saint Peter is checking in new arrivals in heaven
"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a surgeon. I helped the lame to walk."
"Well, go right on in through the Pearly Gates"

"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher. I taught the blind to see."
"Fine. . go right on in through the Pearly Gates!"

"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician. I helped make sad people happy."
"You can load in through the kitchen."

Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells.
St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.
St.: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?"
1st nun: "Adam and Eve"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
St.: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?"
2nd nun: "An apple"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
And finally it came the turn of the last nun. The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates!

Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows XP. I'm going to do something I've never done before... I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
"So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked. St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine! Where should I go first?" "You decide." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; more...

Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter."Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows XP. I'm going to do something I've never done before... I'm going to let you decide where you want to go.""So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked. St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.""Fine! Where should I go first?" "You decide." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature more...