Pearly Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted.

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says,' I don't really see that you ever really did anything great in your life, but I don't see anything really bad either.'

'Tell you what,' St. Peter says.' If you can tell me of one REALLY good deed you did in your life, I'll let you in.'

The guy thinks for a moment and says,' OK, well there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of' em torturing this woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members formed a more...

The Pope died and went to heaven. When he got there, he found a lawyer in line in front of him at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter came over and told the Pope, "Just a minute, I'll be right back".At that, Saint Peter took the lawyer away.When Saint Peter came back, he told the Pope, "Follow me to your new quarters." Along the way they passed many people in their heavenly abodes, and they happened to pass by the quarters of the lawyer who had preceded Saint Peter through the Pearly Gates. The Pope was awe-struck by the opulence and splendor of the lawyer's quarters. There were fine silks, rare foods and drinks, soft music, and attractive young women to serve him for eternity.Saint Peter and the Pope finally arrived at the Pope's new quarters. The Pope looked in and saw a 6 foot by 9 foot room with bare walls, a plain bed and a Bible for entertainment. The Pope said, "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I am wondering why the lawyer gets such a magnificent room more...

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know. Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Wait a minute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?" St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have more...

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!"

St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.

After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that their is no mistake my son...

We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108 years old!"

A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the pearly gates, shakes his hand and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you!"
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the attorney sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says, "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive."
"Congratulations for what?!" exclaims Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be more...

Three guys were at the Pearly Gates when Peter answered. He said there was one space open for someone. He asked them how they died."I came home one day and saw my wife in bed, naked. I looked all over the house and decided to check the balcony. I saw some fingers so I took a hammer and hit his fingers but a bush broke his fall so I took my fridge and threw it on him. But I felt so bad for killing a man that I killed myself.""I was painting on the 37th floor, when I slipped and fell. I was holding on to a balcony, when some guy hit me on the fingers with a hammer so I fell, and then dropped a fridge on me.""I was hiding innnocently in the fridge."

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter
at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season, ” Saint Peter said, “you must
each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into
heaven. ”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle, ” he
said. “You may pass through the pearly gates, ” Saint Peter
said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set
of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells. ” Saint
Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates. ”
The third man started searching desperately through his
pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s glasses.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked,
“And just what do those symbolize? ”
The man replied, “They’re Carol’s. ”
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Merry Christmas to more...