Peeing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Most of us understand that our self worth and feelings of achievement change as we go through life. While everyone has different aspirations, it appears we all have some common benchmarks for what success is. Really it all depends on your age. Consider the following: At age 4, success is not peeing your pants At age 16, success is "gettin' a little" At age 25, success is graduation and a weddingAt age 35, success is about career and familyAt age 55, success is about graduations and weddings At age 65, success is "gettin' a little" At age 80, success is not peeing your pants!

Ok guys, own up...which one are you? Excitable Type Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.Sociable Type Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not.Timid Type Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.Nosy Type Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy.Indifferent Type All urinals being occupied, uses sink.Clever Type Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot.Vain Type Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.Absent-Minded Type Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants.Worried Type Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing.Disgruntled Type Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.Conceited Type Holds 2-inch tool like a baseball bat while peeing.Sneaky Type Drops silent farts while peeing and looks at the guy next to him.Sloppy Type Pees on shoe, walks out more...

Rules that Guys wished Women knew....
1... If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.
2... Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.
3... Do not cut your hair. Ever.
4... Sometimes, he is not thinking about you. Live with it.
5... Get rid of your cat.
6... Sunday = Sports.
7... Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8... You have enough clothes.
9... You have too many shoes.
10.. Crying is blackmail.
11.. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work.
12.. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13.. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing
from pointblank range. We are bound to miss sometimes.
14.. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
15.. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
16.. Anything we said six or eight months ago is
inadmissible in an argument.
17.. If you do not dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
do more...

Ok guys, own up... which one are you?

Excitable Type Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.

Sociable Type Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not.

Timid Type Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.

Nosy Type Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy.

Indifferent Type All urinals being occupied, uses sink.

Clever Type Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot.

Vain Type Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.

Absent-Minded Type Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants.

Worried Type Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing.

Disgruntled Type Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.

Conceited Type Holds 2-inch tool like a more...

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the more...

Ok guys, own up... which one are you? Excitable Type Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger. Sociable Type Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not. Timid Type Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later. Nosy Type Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy. Indifferent Type All urinals being occupied, uses sink. Clever Type Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot. Vain Type Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do. Absent-Minded Type Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants. Worried Type Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing. Disgruntled Type Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering. Conceited Type Holds 2-inch tool like a baseball bat while peeing. Sneaky Type Drops silent farts while peeing and looks at the guy next to him. Sloppy Type Pees on more...

At age 4....success is....not peeing in your pants.
At age 12...success is....having friends.
At age 16...success is....having a drivers license.
At age 20...success is....having sex.
At age 35...success is....having money.
At age 50...success is....having money.
At age 60...success is....having sex.
At age 70...success is....having a drivers license.
At age 75...success is....having friends.
At age 80...success is....not peeing in your pants.