Penny Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
"I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90, 000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30, 000 within."
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10, 000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20, 000." The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20, 000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10, 000."
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw more...
Why is a cat like a penny? Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.
There once was a man named Joe and he was talking to God and he asked, ''How much is a penny worth in heaven?'' God replied, ''One million dollars.'' Then Joe asked, ''How long is a minute in heaven?'' God said, ''One million years.'' So Joe asked for a penny and God said, ''Sure, just wait a minute.''
The Red Sox agreed to terms with Brad Penny. He would have signed with the Yankees, but they said his name indicates that he's nine million dollars and ninety nine cents below their pay grade.
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON more...
Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings more...