Penny Jokes / Recent Jokes

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.
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In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up And no place to go.
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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle
in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
The Good Die Young.
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In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallenstein wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.
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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan more...

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their nursing home reminiscing about the good ole days.
The first old lady recalled going to the corner grocery store and demonstrated with her hands, the length and width of a cucumber she could once buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much larger and cheaper as well, while demonstrating with her hands the size of two big onions she used to be able to buy for a mere penny.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word your saying, but I sure do remember the guy you're talking about!"

A man was taking it easy, laying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God."God", he said, "how long is a million years?"God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"God answered, "To me, it's a penny."The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"God answered, "In a minute."

* If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
* If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
* Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
* Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
* If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
* When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in. . . what happens to the other penny?
* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
* When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
* Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
* Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite more...

My husband and I had just finished tucking our young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy`s room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy`s ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband`s hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, dad!"

I am reminded...
A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he
checks his pockets and leaves his tip-three pennies. As he strides
toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: "You know, you
can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."
The man turns around,
curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does
my tip say?"
"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man." Barely able to conceal
his pride, the man utters "Hmm, true enough."
"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her
perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too."
"And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."

Q: How do you kill a thousnd mexicans?
A: Throw a penny down a hill.
Q: How do you find Mexicos population?
A: Throw a penny down the street.
Q: How do you find the richest man in Mexico?
A: Who ever takes the penny.