Penny Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in. . . what happens to the other penny? 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? 14. Why isn't the number 11 more...

A stockbroker, cold calling about a penny stock, found a taker. "This one is really going to move," the broker said. "It's only a $1 a share." "Buy me 1000 shares," said the client.
The following day, the stock was at $2. Seeing this, the client called the broker and told him to buy him 5000 more shares.
The next day the client checked in the newspaper and the stock was now at $4. Running to the phone, he called the broker and told him to get him 10,000 more shares.
Checking the paper the following day the client now saw that the stock was at $9. Thinking what a great profit he had made in just a few days, the client raced to the phone and called the broker. "Sell all my shares," he instructed.
"To whom?" the broker replied. "You were the only one buying that stock!"

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the
Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, "A penny
for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well,
I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."
So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long
enough for the lass to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?" To which the
lad replied:
"Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make more...

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hillin the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lasssaid, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, buthe finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be ifye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss." So she did so. But he againlapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lassto ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?" To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"

Did you ever notice that you never saw a blonde owl? What is the difference between a blonde and a penny? - A penny has more sence (cents) What do you get when you cross a blonde with a snake? - An idiot that is scared of itself!! Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? - Because they forget the recipe

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said,"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin... perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin... perhaps its aboot time you let me poot ma hand on your more...