Penny Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you ever tax your brain, don’t charge more than a penny. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back. If you had another brain like the one you’ve got, you’d still be a half-wit. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. If you were a body of water, you’d be a kiddie pool. If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid. If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn’t fill an M&M.

Penny was a hard working, conscientious girl, who lived on her own. Her dream in life was to go on an ocean cruise around the world. So she scrimped, and she saved, and she saved, and she scrimped until finally, one day, she had enough money to go on her ocean cruise.
She booked passage on a cruise liner - first class all the way... The cruise started off in a grandiose scale, dancing and parties every night.
But Penny was a cautious girl, so she never drank, but just danced the night away.
One night, after they had been at sea for a week, Penny was walking back to her cabin, when the heel on her left shoe broke throwing her off balance. If that wasn't enough, the ship chose that moment to tilt to the left. As a result, Penny was thrown overboard.
A hue and a cry were immediately raised, and after about five minutes they found Penny. Hauling her aboard, the ship's crew realized that it was too late, poor Penny was dead.
Normally, they would have done a burial at more...

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy`s ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father`s hand, swallowed it, and cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"

Joe was apt to pray only when things weren`t going well, which was pretty often. & One day as he implored God for help with another mess he was in, to his surprise, he heard a wondrous voice:& "All right, Joe, what do you need this time?" Amazed, Joe asked, "God, is that You?" "Yes, Joe.& What do you ask of Me now?" Joe complained, "God, why does it always take so long for my prayers to be answered?" God answered, "Time is not the same for Me.& A thousand of your years is just a second for Me." "Wow! If that`s what time is for you, what is money?" "All the treasure of the world is just a penny for Me." Joe, always one to take advantage of the situation, began to scheme. "God, You can do anything, right?" "Yes, anything I wish.& Why do you ask?" "You are always so generous, and surely You wouldn`t miss a penny.& Will You give me just one of your pennies?" begged Joe. "Just a more...

Mergers that may or may not make the world a funnier place:

There was a rumor that W. R. Grace Co. was going to buy the Fuller Brush Co. and Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems. This would result in the new mega-corporate entity known as:' Hale Mary Fuller Grace.'

Don't forget the failed merger between Yahoo and Netscape....Net'n'yahoo.... (say it out loud) A great number of years ago there was a proposed merger between Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers. Rumor had it that the new company would be called. ... Fairwell Honeychild.

It was announced that Wurlitzer is merging with Xerox. They are going to market. .. reproductive organs.

There is a merger in the works involving Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler. It will be called. .. Poly-Warner-Cracker.

Other Merger's we'd like to see:

3M & Goodyear.......................... mmmGood
John Deere & more...

A wise man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
The wise man asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
The wise man asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."

If someone says, "A penny for your thoughts,", and you give them your two cents worth, what happens to the other penny?