Percent Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed.
2. All Polar Bears are left-handed.
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar Bear.
1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles.
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles.
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight.
1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second.
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second.
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant.

School test
During a maths lesson at school, the teacher points to little Benny and asks, "Benny, what’s 3 percent?"
Benny sits for a while shaking his head and then replies, "You’re right Miss, what’s 3 percent?"

IIn a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq`s missile threat. Hey, he`s a guy.

A whale's penis is called a dork.

Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west.

The average person spends 6 months of their life sitting at red lights.

In 1912 a law passed in Nebraska where drivers in the country at night were required to stop every 150 yards, send up a skyrocket, wait eight minutes for the road to clear before proceeding cautiously, all the while blowing their horn and shooting off flares.

More Monopoly money is printed in a year, than real money throughout the world.

Caesar salad has nothing to do with any of the Caesars. It was first concocted in a bar in Tijuana, Mexico, in the 1920's.

One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

Crocodiles and alligators are surprisingly fast on land. Although they are rapid, they are not agile. So, if being chased by one, run in a zigzag line to lose him or her.

Seattle’s Fremont more...

I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent for cash," the salesman said.
The customer, not able to figure the calculation, said he would think about the deal and return the next day.
That evening, the fellow asked his female friend, "If you were offered nine hundred dollars minus six percent, how much would you take off?"
"Everything but my earrings," she purred.

Milk drinkers' behaviors / The Physics of Law...
Not a bunch of goody-goodies, the folks at the California Milk Processor Board want you to think raunchy, think wanton, think naughty, think milk. A survey for June, National Dairy Month, reports hidden milk drinkers' behaviors: When no one is looking, 59 percent of Californians admit to slugging directly from the carton. A sheepish 31 percent have finished the last of the milk and put the empty carton back in the refrigerator. An embarrassed 39 percent report that they have, on occasion, blown milk out their noses. While a co-worker slaves away at his desk, 22 percent have "borrowed" someone else's milk from the office refirgerator. A smug 14 percent say that they have made milk a part of their sex lives. Which leaves 86 percent wondering how the heck they do it. The article continues with....
The Physics of Law...
It's not whether you win or lose, it's where you put your desk. The Association of Defense more...

IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE
The Sweetest Christmas Movie Frank Capra Never Made
-- by David Pogue

I guess I shouldn't have gone to a party where the eggnog was spiked, and maybe I shouldn't have watched the movie It's a Wonderful Life while leafing through MacWeek. But anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night -- like a bizarre black-and-white movie that went like this: Jimmy Stewart stars as Steve' Jobs' Bailey, who runs a beleaguered but beloved small-town computer company. For years, big monopolist Bill' Gates' Potter has been wielding his power and money to gain control of the town. And for years, Steve has fought for survival:' This town needs my measly, one-horse computer, if only to have something for people to use instead of Windows!'

But now an angry mob is banging on Apple's front door, panicking.' The press says your company is doomed!' yells one man.' You killed the clones! We're going to Windows!' calls another.' We want out of our more...