Permits Jokes

There was a woman, who was a tree hugger and anti-hunter, who purchased several acres of Hill Country land, near Lake Cresant.
There was a huge tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to view the natural splendor of her land, so she climbed the tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl. It attacked her! In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground. During the ensuing fall, she incurred several splinters of wood in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor, 35 minutes away.
She told him she was an environmentalist and anti-hunter and how she came to receive all of the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience. He then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help.
The impatient patient sat, and waited for three hours bef ore the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and said, more...

Corporation Travel Policy

Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to the Business Travel standards and Procedures Manual. Effective Monday the following revised procedures apply:

Lodging

All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

Transportation

Hitch-hiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets viill be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained more...

Due to the current financial status of the company, all employees are encouraged to adopt the following cost cutting measures.
LODGING - All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
TRANSPORTATION - Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.
MEALS - more...

New Corporate Cost-Cutting Policy Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to the Business Travel standards and Procedures Manual. Effective Monday the following revised procedures apply:

Lodging All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

Transportation Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, more...

OPERATION ORDER 12-98
FOR: OFFICIAL VISIT OF LT jg SANTA CLAUS
1. An official staff visit by LT jg Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.
b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, more...