Pharmacist Jokes / Recent Jokes

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before the could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to myside of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head more...

A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, "Gimme a chap stick."The pharmacist asks the duck, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "Just put it on my bill."The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk, "Give me a box of condoms." The clerk says, "Do you want me to also put them on your bill?" The duck says, "Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!"

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life - not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle - just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."
Assistant replies, "Sure, he is. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life - not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle - just standing there, frozen.The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."Assistant replies, "Sure, he is. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"

A nice, calm and respectable good looking lady went into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?".
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy. I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."Now tell me howmany capsools of cyanide you want"

A man entered a pharmacy and asked to speak with a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to explained that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help him with.
The man said that it was something he would feel more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is difficult for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So, I was wondering if you could give me something for it?"
"Just a moment," the pharmacist said, "I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "I've discussed it at length with my sister and the absolute best more...

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant, Santa, and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"
Santa replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."
Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."
Santa replies, "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives [something that loosens the bowels. Used to combat constipation, overdose causes diarrhea] on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"