Phil Jokes / Recent Jokes
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Phil!
Phil who?
Phil it to the rim with Brim! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Phil!
Phil who?
Phil up my hot water bottle, I'm cold! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Phil!
Phil who?
Philthy lucre!
Phil Spector has been found guilty of 2nd-degree murder. His sentence will be a firing squad against a wall of sound.
Differences Between Men & Women NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left more...
One Christmas, Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle
of a pasture. A shepard leading his flock decided to take a
shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of
the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepard began
tugging them to the other side.
"Look at that," remarked Phil to Will. "That guy is trying to
pull the wool over our ice!"
One day, there was a plane that crashed. On it, was Bill Clinton, and an EXTREMELY religious guy who's only wish was to meet the Virgin Mary. The plane crashed and Bill and Phil both died. Heaven and Hell got all mixed up that day, so the religious guy went to Hell, and Bill went to heaven--temporarily for 20 minutes. On their way back, they bumped into each other and Phil said, "Oh, my ONLY hope in the world is to see the Virgin Mary", and Bill Clinton replies... "Sorry, buddy, you're 15 minutes late!"
Joe was in the corner bar having a few when his friend Phil stopped in and joined him. It didn't take long for Phil to notice a string hanging out of the back of Joe's shirt collar that his friend kept tugging on.
Finally Phil couldn't contain his curiosity, and asked, "What that string for?"
"Two weeks ago I had a date with that dish, Linda," Joe explained, "and when I got her into the sack, would you believe I couldn't perform? Made me so mad that I tied this string to my dick, and every time I think of how it let me down, I pull the string and make it kiss my ass."