Pickup Jokes / Recent Jokes
I like your outfit. It would look good on my floor
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices... when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices off the man's wanger, and angrily tosses it out the window of the car.
Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a guy and his 10 year-old daughter chatting away beside him. All of a sudden, the wanger smacks the windshield of the pickup, sticks briefly, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy: "Daddy! What was that!?"
Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."
The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, says... "sure had a big dick!!!"
As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... John
Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.
The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His more...
Why did the idiot drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff? He wanted to try out his new air brakes.
Application to Live in KentuckyName: __________________________ Nickname: _________________________________CB Handle Model: _____________________ Color: ______________Address (RFD No.): _________________--_____________________________________Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects): ______________________________________Mamma: _________________________Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark RedNumber of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____Name of Pickup owned: _______________ Height of Truck__________Truck equipped with: ____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag____8-Track Cassettes ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Hunting RifleNumber of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck: _____BUMPER STICKERS: ____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of shit more...
You have barnyard animals living in your house.Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.You have ever shot a possum on your porch.You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I more...