Pickup Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a rednack if...
You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.
You have barnyard animals living in your house.
Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.
Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."
Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.
You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.
You have ever shot a possum on your porch.
You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.
You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house....not including 22 caliber.
You have guns in your house that you cannot find.
You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at more...

30. Oh I just couldn't; Hell, she's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. We don't keep firearms in this house.

24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?

23. You can't feed that to the dog.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than expresso.

17. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

16. I thought Graceland was tacky.

15. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

14. Honey, we don't need another dog.

13. Would you like your fish poached or more...

You might be a reneck if...

The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.

You have got more bumper stickers than children.

Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.

You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup, particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was yours.

You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.

Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a brooder.

Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.

You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in, one of the more...

(Washington DC): A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check - a forged check. He got 10 years.
(Virginia): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head - and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.
(Maryland): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole - are you ready for this? - the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
(Washington, DC): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he more...

You might be a reneck if...

Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife's car, but no blade.

You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.

You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.

You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.

Your pickup truck no longer has a back.

The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.

The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels "over yonder in them hills."

Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair.

Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.

Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.

Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need topurchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide tobuy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decidesshe does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send hersister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send atelegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our more...

You might be a reneck if...

You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.

You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.

Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

You see a forest fire and think' Bar-bee-Q'.

You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.

Your mother is hairier than your father.

Instead of flossing you use a plunger.

You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way.

When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.

Your grandma can bench press a ruck axle.