Pirate Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little boy, who has a speech impediment, is trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate.
When he gets to the first house, he knocks on the door and an elderly lady answers. "Twick-or-tweat," he says.
The lady says, "I don't understand what you are trying to say, little boy."
The boy, frustrated, says, "Twick-or-tweat."
The lady says, "I'm sorry, little boy, but I don't understand you."
The boy, now mad as hell, yells to the lady, "Twick-or-tweat."
The lady says, "Oh, oh, I get it. Trick-or-treat. What are you supposed to be anyway?"
The boy answers, "I'm a piwat."
"I don't understand you," says the lady.
The boy, getting frustrated, again yells to the lady, "I'm a piwat."
The lady replies, I'm sorry, little boy, but I don't understand you."
Screaming at the top of his lungs, the boy says, "I'm a piwat."
The lady replies, more...
An aging pirate, with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch on his eye, was sitting in a bar talking with the bartender.
"What happened to your leg?" the bartender asked.
"One day, there was a bad storm and I was swept overboard. That's when a shark bit off me whole leg," the priate explained.
"Wow!" replied the bartender. "What about the hook?"
"We were in the midst of a battle and I got me hand cut off with a sword," said the pirate.
"That's incredible," the bartender said. "Did you lose your eye in the battle, too?"
"Oh no. That happened when we were sailing the high seas one day and a sea gull landed on the boom. When I looked up, it shit in me eye," replied the pirate.
"You can't lose an eye that way!" scoffed the bartender.
"Aye," the pirate said, "but it was the first day with me hook!"
Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze.
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The first mate asked the captain the more...
How do you tell the Irish pirate?
He's the one with patches over both eyes.
One day a pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.The bartender says,"Sir, I hope you know theres a steering wheel in your pants."The pirate replies,"I know.Its drivin me nuts!"