Pirate Jokes / Recent Jokes

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
And once again the battle was on. The Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, however this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the more...

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?"
The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"
His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about your hand. Did you loose it at the same time?"
"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."
Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye?"
The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye."
The land-lubber asked, "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?"
The more...

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?" The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" Th e pirate snapped, "It was the more...

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg."
"Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!"
The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?"
"I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!"
Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?"
"One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!"
The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?"
"Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"

The Pirate
A fellow stops by his favorite bar one afternoon for a few drinks… after a couple of drinks he sees a pirate sitting at the other end of the bar, peg leg, patch over one eye, hook. He moves next to the pirate and asks, "Are you a real pirate"?
"Aye, that I am matey", replies the pirate.
"How did you lose your leg", the fellow asked. The pirate replied, "I was about to board a Man-O-War I was, when she fired a broadside and a cannon ball took me leg off it did".
"Oh my, that's horrible, how did you lose your hand", said the fellow, looking at the hook replacing the right hand. The pirate held the hook up and said,"I was swinging over to a ship with me cutlass in me teeth, when a fellow cut off me hand with his sword, he did.
"Oh my", said the fellow. "How did you lose your eye", he asked. "I was ashore one day and as I looked up a seagull shit right in me eye, he did", more...

A Pirate walks into a bar
The Bar tender says "Do you realise that you have a wheel between your legs"
The Pirate Replies "Yeh I do its driving me Nuts".

A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, and a patched eye walks into a bar and orders a beer.After the beer the bartender says,"I hope you dont mind me asking but why do you have a peg leg?"The pirate replies,"We were coming ashore and the ship tipped over and an alligator bit me leg off." After the next beer the bartender says"I hope you dont mind me asking but How did you get a hook for a hand?" The pirate replied "We were coming into shore and the alligator bit me hand off." After his last beer the bartender says,"I hope you dont mind me asking but How did you get the patched eye?" The pirate replied,"We were coming into shore when a bird pooped on me face and it was my first day with me hook."