Planning Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dan knew he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died.
He decided that he needed to be with his dream woman to really enjoy it.
One evening he was at a singles bar where he spotted the most attractive woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a month or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit
20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
When it comes to Estate Planning, women are so much smarter than men.
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Moral of the story:
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter.
In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The
contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin,
San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will
proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa,
Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and
on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that
reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate
your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.
Republic Insurance Company
Carson, California
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information.
In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "POOR PLANNING" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should elaborate more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building, at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of more...
A Punjabi with more money than sense had a more-than-necessary fecund wife who bore him a child every year with unfailing regularity. Having had more offsprings than he wanted to share his wealth with, he consulted the doctor of a family planning clinic. He tried all the child-preventive gadgetry but nothing would stop the wife from presenting him with yet another child.
Ultimately the Punjabi gentleman decided to go to the United States to consult the best doctors in the world. He found the most renowned family planning specialist and spelled out his problem.' Well, Mr Punjabi,' drawled the Yankee medico,' if you've tried all those preventives and they have failed, the best I can suggest is that you keep away from your wife.'
'But doctor,' protested the Punjabi,' I've tried that too.'
Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.