Planning Jokes / Recent Jokes
16> Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden15> Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.14> He actually *does* have your tongue.13> You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.12> Cyanide paw prints all over the house.11> You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.10> As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of Catnip9> Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."8> Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"7> Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.6> You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.5> Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.4> Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.3> Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.2> You find a piece more...
Well it all began... hmmm nooo not that way.. well there were these patients of the mental hospital or which is called the pissankotuwa, they were planning to escape but there was a small problem which prevented or made it harder for them to complete the task which was the DAMN WALLLL around the premises it was damn huge... so these guys planned to build a ladder to climb over the WALLL it took about one and a half months to complete and finally they got it done and they were planning to climb over the wall in the evening but there waz a huge storm with floods and shit and caused the wall to colapse totaly flattened. For my surprise these guys were totally worried you no why coz the wall was no longer and they just thought to them selves THAT THEY WOULD CLIMB OVER IT SOMEOTHER TIME COZ THE WALL WAS NO LONGER THERE!!!!!
Laloos family planning policy.. "DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"
A WOMEN'S PERSPECTIVE
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have more...
From a year-end planning guide published by Richard L. Hodge, CPA of
Northboro MA:
"It has been said that the only real tax shelter is death. That's
because a decedent's assets are revalued at their fair market value
at the date of death...
"If the total value of an estate exceeds $600,000, there may be an
estate tax. That is paid by the estate before the heirs get anything.
Massachusetts estate tax applies to amounts in excess of $50,000, but
that has been changed and will gradually increase to the $600,000
exemption by 1996. A good planning strategy is to defer death until
at least 1996."
A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style". The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo, with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, & I'm here to confiscate your guns". The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.
I find that planning my future saves me from regretting my past.