Plastic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new secretary (a very attractive blonde, of course?) in the office down the hall from me. She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work, can you help me ?" she asked.
I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.
"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said.
"Condom???", I asked.
"Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."
By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The more...

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic. ” Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But it feels like rubber. ”
Curious, the attorney asked, “What do you have there? ”
The drunk replied, “I don’t know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber. ”
The attorney responded, “Let me take a look. ”
So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. “Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don’t know what it is. Where did you get it? ”
The drunk replied, “Out of my nose! ”

One day a guy went to a grocery store and the bagger boy asked him "Paper
or Plastic" and the man said, "Uh...paper I guess."
Then the bagger boy said your total is $56.35.
The man took out his wallet and said "Real or Counterfeit".

One day a guy went to a grocery store and the bagger boy asked him "Paperor Plastic" and the man said, "Uh...paper I guess."Then the bagger boy said your total is $56.35. The man took out his wallet and said "Real or Counterfeit".

When plastic surgeons check out at a grocery store,I wonder if they ever choose paper?

A man walks into a bar and a drunk is sitting there mumbling something quietly. Curious the man takes the seat next to him. The drunk is mumbling, "Looks like plastic, feels like rubber." While looking at something in his hand.
The man asks the drunk if he may see what he means. The man feels the object and says, "It does look like plastic and feels like rubber. Where did you get it?"
The drunk replies, "From my nose."

Ben and Bill are lumberjacks. One fateful day, Ben accidently chopped off his arm. So Bill put the arm in a plastic bag. He took it to the hospital and says that it will take 6 hours to repair it. So Bill left for six hours and came back. The doctor said he finished up early and that Ben is at the bar. So Bill went to the bar and found Ben throwing darts with the reattached arm. A few weeks later Ben had nasty accident and chopped off his leg. So Bill put it in a plastic bag and took it to the hospital and the docter said it would take 8 hours to fix. So Bill waited 8 hours and then came to the hospital, and the doctor said the he finished up early and is at the soccer field. So Bill went to the soccer field to find Ben playing a grand game of soccer. The next month Ben had a deadly accident and chopped off his head, so Bill put it in a plastic bag and took it to the hospital. The doctor said the surgery would be pretty hard and he should wait 12 hours. Bill came back to the hospital more...