Plum Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster? A purple people eater.

>>The Lovers of the Heart
>>
>>Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss
>>
>>1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
>>2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
>>3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
>>4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
>>5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing
>>6. Kiss anywhere else. .. lets not get carried away
>>7. Look in your eyes. .. kiss me
>>8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
>>9. Hand on your waist... I love you to much to let you go
>>
>>Article 2: The Three Steps
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>>1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
>>2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good
>>3. Guys & Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare
>>
>>Article 3: The Commandments
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>>1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard.
>>2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one.
>>3. Thou shall kiss at every more...

What is the difference between a plum and an elephant? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

How is a rabbit like a plum? Theyre both purple, except for the rabbit.

Last month I heard an item on the radio about a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving, which costs a mere $23, 000. That got me to thinking about what Martha Stewart really gives for Christmas presents? So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen:
On the first day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
a baked partridge in some pear sauce.
On the second day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the third day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fourth of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
five cups of herbal tea,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum more...