Plus Jokes / Recent Jokes
An ANAGRAM, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following examples are quite astounding!
Dormitory = Dirty Room
Evangelist = Evil's Agent
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lost in' em
Animosity = Is No Amity
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness = Genuine Class
Semolina = Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Contradiction = Accord not in it
This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare] To be or not to be: that is
the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune. = In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our
insistent hero, more...
This List Includes: * Things you can do with absolutely nothing * Things you can do with very little * Things you can do with another person The amusement potential for each activity is denoted. Things you can do with absolutely nothing * Push your eyes for interesting light show (Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things-is your subconscience trying to send you a message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV? * See how long you can hold your breath (Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes) Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is 2:00 (exactly). * Try to not think about polar bears (Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you more...
If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. (Albert Einstein)
Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
Some see things as they are and ask `why?`; I dream of things that never were and ask `why not?`" - George Bernard Shaw
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
Sometimes I think we are alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we are not. In either case, the thought is quite staggering.
Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
Sometimes you`re the bird, and sometimes you`re the windshield.
Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.
Stay in with the outs.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.
Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.
At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see
if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11?
She hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no im sorry thats incorrect.
All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give
her another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "ok how about 5 plus 5."
She answers and says 20. Again all the blondes chanted give her another chance,
give her another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance,
what is 2 plus 2. The blonde says 4! and the audience says Give her another chance
give her another chance!
One Sunday, my priest asked if I could cover his Confession shift for him -- he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. I agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery." "Adultery, eh?" I said. "You sly devil. That'll be three hail mary's, plus five bucks." "Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work." "Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 hail mary's, plus fourteen bucks." "Thank you, Father." This was easy, I thought. I can handle this. Another person came into the booth. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have commited the sin of butt-sex." "Butt-sex, huh?" I looked at the list, but I didn't see butt-sex there. I excused myself to see if I could more...
A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an social security agent to interview him.
"You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them."
"All right," said the farmer. "I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $400 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She's been here six months. She gets $300 a week plus room and board."
"Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.
"Yeah," the farmer said. "There's a half-wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco."
"Aha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that half-wit!"
"You're talking to him now," said the farmer.