Plus Jokes / Recent Jokes
You Know You're A Mom When...
* Your feet stick to the kitchen floor... and you don't care.
* When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
* You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
* You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
* Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
* Popsicles become a food staple.
* Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
* Peanut butter and jelly is eaten in at least one meal a day.
* You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.
* Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her after you suck the dirt off of it because your too busy to wash it off.
* Your kids make jokes about more...
EMMIE- IM NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL THIS YEAR.
MUM- WHY NOT
EMMIE-BECAUSE LAST YEAR THE TEACHER SAID TREE PLUS SEVEN MAKES TEN THEN HE SAID FIVE PLUS FIVE MADE TEN AND THEN HE SAID EIGHT PLUS TWO MAKES TWO.
MUM- SO
EMMIE- SO, IM NOT GOING BACK TILL HE MAKES UP HIS MIND.
1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and you don't care. 2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding. 3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket. 4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats. 5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you. 6. Popsicles become a food staple. 7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon. 8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day. 9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is. 10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because your too busy to wash it off. 11. Your kids make jokes about flatulence, burping, pooping, etc. and you think it's funny.12. You're so desperate for more...
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
80, 000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80, 000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80, 000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcastmedia here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the more...
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.
After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom more...
There was this guy who keeps bragging around about his balls. One day at a bar he met a fellow and said, " Hello, man! Your Balls plus my balls equals FIVE BALLS!" "Wow! you've got THREE balls? That's amazing!" replied the fellow. Then he met another bloke and told the same thing: " Hello, man! Your Balls plus my balls equals FIVE BALLS!" "Really? You have Three balls!!!" said the bloke. "How incredible!" This guy went to talk to other men, all were impressed of his unusual number of balls... Until he met the last dude. He told the dude, " Hello, man! Your Balls plus my balls equals FIVE BALLS!" the dude replied- "WHAT?! YOU ONLY GOT ONE BALL?"