Plus Jokes / Recent Jokes
A few days ago, I overheard my small grandson doing his airthmetic homework. Three plus one, the son of a bitch is four," he was saying. "Three plus two, the son of a bitch is five. Three plus three, the son of a bitch is six." And so on. Horrified, I asked him where on earth he had picked up that language. "Oh, that's the way they teach us at school," he replied. The following day I went to see his teacher and asked her about it. At first she was equally horrified, then her face broke into a grin. "I get it!" she cried. "We teach the children to say "Tree plus one, THE SUM OF WHICH IS FOUR." Three plus is two, the sum of which is five."---F. H
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun all summer." Then she aked a youngster in the front now: "Harry, what should I do to correct that?" Meybe---get a boy friend?" he suggested more...
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be. - Jacques Futrelle, "The Problem of Cell 13"Most mathematicians are familiar with - or have at least seen references in the literature to - the equation 2 + 2 = 4. However, the less well known equation 2 + 2 = 5 also has a rich, complex history behind it. Like any other complex quantitiy, this history has a real part and an imaginary part; we shall deal exclusively with the latter here.Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes. They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope results.Recent more...
This Jewish father wants to send his kid to school, but is not sure where to send him to. Finally he just looks at the brochure from Catholic school and thinks that since it's priced reasonable and sounds like a nice place all together, he'll try him over there.
His kid goes to school the first semester and comes home with a report card.
His father takes a look, turns to his son and says: -"A plus in math??? How in the hell did you pull that off since that's your worse subject?"
" Well father, the first day I walked into my math class and saw a guy hanging on a wall nailed to the plus sign - I knew they weren't mucking around!"
SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom northside condo. $800/month plus 1/2 utilities. Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy & clock repair.
SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate marriage. Willing to beg. Call 24/hours, 7/days 1-800-I'm-4you.
SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking, and testosterone. Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to political conspiracy theories and help stock secluded mountain shelter. Don't bother to write, I already know where you live.
SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance, herb tea, New Age music, communing with Galian nature spirits, and Jello sculpting. Seeks aloof, analytic whimp.
SWM: 59, wide range of interests including Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Power Rangers, and Sea Quest. ISO compatible F.
SM: Seeking an adventurous SF interested in underwater bondage with or w/o scuba gear and albino livestock breeding. No weirdos please.
SBM: Vegetarian Truck-driving Republican juggler wishes to meet woman of more...