Plus Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.10.What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice more...
Amazing AnagramsDormitory == Dirty Room Desperation == A Rope Ends It The Morse Code == Here Come Dots Slot Machines == Cash Lost in 'em Animosity == Is No Amity Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z's Alec Guinness == Genuine Class Semolina == Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point == I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one Contradiction == Accord not in it This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare] To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Becomes: In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten. And the grand finale: "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." - Neil A. Armstrong becomes: A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!
Cher ami,
Je suis toute Emue de vous dire que j'ai
bien compris l'autre jour que vous aviez
toujours une envie folle de me faire
danser. Je garde le souvenir de votre
baiser et je voudrais bien que ce soit
une preuve que je puisse etre aimee
par vous. Je suis prete a montrer mon
affection toute desinteressee, et sans cal-
cul, si vous voulez me voir ainsi
vous devoiler, sans artifice, mon ame
toute nue, daignez me faire visite,
nous causerons et en amis franchement
je vous prouverai que je suis la femme
sincere, capable de vous offrir l'affection
la plus profonde, comme la plus etroite
amitie, en un mot: la meilleure Epouse
dont vous puissiez rever. Puisque votre
ame est libre, pensez que l'abandon que je
vis est bien long, bien dur et souvent bien
insupportable. Mon chagrin est trop
gros. Accourez bien vite et venez me le
faire oublier. A vous je veux me sou-
mettre more...
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says
"Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus.
She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up!
Amazing Anagrams
Dormitory == Dirty Room
Desperation == A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code == Here Come Dots
Slot Machines == Cash Lost in `em
Animosity == Is No Amity
Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z`s
Alec Guinness == Genuine Class
Semolina == Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point == I`m a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one
Contradiction == Accord not in it
This one`s amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Becomes:
In one of the Bard`s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.
And the grand more...