Poker Jokes / Recent Jokes

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect fortheir fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing timestanding up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "I'll tell him."

After his divorce Mr. Lewis realized that poker isn`t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.

Leaving the poker party late, as usual, two friends compared notes.
"I can never fool my wife." the first complained. "I turn off the car's engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom.
But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone."
"You got the wrong technique my friend." his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on her ass and say 'How about a little ?'
She always pretends to be asleep!!!"

Did ya hear about the blonde who brought a bag of frozen french fries to a poker game?
Someone told her to bring her own chips.

Some people just seem to have a lot of luck. A friend of mine is one of those card players who can almost always draw whatever he needs to win a hand in poker, but loses big time at the races.
I asked him about this once and he replied, "Well. .. they won't let me shuffle the horses."

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report.

"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!"

"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"