Poker Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. "The brightest dog I ever had," said one, "was a Great Dane that could play cards. He was a whiz at poker, but I had him put to sleep."

"You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars."

"Had to," he replied, "Caught him using marked cards!"

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table.
This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog.
Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.
However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player.
Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!"
The player smiled and said, "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

A man walks into a bar and notices that there is a game of poker taking place at a table in the corner of the room.
To his amazement, one of the players is a German Shepherd, studying his hand intently.
He asks the barman, "Is that dog actually playing poker?"
"He certainly is, sir," replies the barman.
"I am amazed," said the man.
"Oh, it's quite true, every night, the same group comes in here and they all play poker."
"Does the dog win much?" asks the man.
"No, he's terrible, every time he gets a good hand, his tail starts to wag!"

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. The father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself... television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny and without comment, the game resumed.

For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the cardplayers continued without any further interruptions. After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you do to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!" "Not much," the boy's more...

Why should you never play poker in the jungle?
-because there are too many cheatahs!!

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad humping away on the bed! "Dad!" says Johnny, "What are you doing!" Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says "Well, Johnny, I'm playing poker... and your mother's the wild card". "Oh,"says Johnny and he leaves the room. Still in need of an answer to his question, Little Johnny set out to look for his big brother, Ernie. He opens his brother's bedroom door and finds Ernie and his sister Thelma humping away! "Ernie!" cried Johnny, "What are you doing!". Ernie stops humping for a second and says, "Well... I'm playing poker, Johnny... and Thelma is the wildcard. "Oh", says Johnny and he leaves the room. Later, Johnny's dad approached Johnny's room to call him to dinner. He opens Johnny's bedroom door and finds Johnny wacking off like it was going out of style! more...

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks,' Now, who is going to tell the wife?' They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.' Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretions my middle name, leave it to me.' Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says,' Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.' She hollers,' TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!' Rippington says,' O.K.'