Poker Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up,
he noticed that Bill's wife Sue, legs spread wide, wasn't wearing any underwear!
Shocked by this, John, upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial as well as the moral costs of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed interested. She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2:00 Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's more...
One day, a kid walks in on his brother and his girlfriend having sex. He
says, "What are you doing?" and his brother replies, "I'm playing poker
-- she's the queen and I'm the king. The boy leaves, not knowing any
better.
A week later, the boy walks in on his parents having sex and says, "Dad,
what are you doing?" and his father replies, "I'm playing poker -- she's
the queen and I'm the king" He leaves again, not knowing any better.
The next day, the boy's bother walks in on him masturbating and says,
"What are you doing?" and the kid says, "I'm playing poker." "Where's
the queen?" his brother asks, and the kid replies, "What do I need a
queen when I've got a hand like this?"
Six elderly gentlemen were playing poker in the condo clubhouse, when one of them loses $500 on a single hand and drops dead from the excitement, at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, they complete their playing time standing up.
Now, who is going to tell the wife?
They draw straws, and Joe who is always a loser picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen, I'm the most discreet guy you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Just leave it to me."
He goes to the apartment, knocks on the door, the widow answers, asks what he wants.
"Your husband just lost $500."
She hollers, "He should only drop dead!"
"He did."
Six buddies were playing poker when Jones loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
To show respect for their fallen comrade, the remaining five continue playing standing up.
Winters looks around and says, "So, which one of us is going to tell his wife?"
They draw straws. Burrows picks the shortest one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it already is.
"Discreet? Guys, I'm the most discreet man you'll ever meet," Burrows says. "Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."
He goes over to the Jones house and rings the doorbell. The wife answers and asks what he wants.
"Your husband just lost $500 playing poker and he's afraid to come home," he says.
"TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" she screams.
"OK," Burrows replies, "I'll go tell him."
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws.
Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, 'Now, who is going to tell the wife?'
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.
'Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretions my middle name, leave it to me.'
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, 'Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.'
She hollers, 'TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!'
Rippington says, 'O.K.'
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is."Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"Rippington says, "I'll tell him."