Polak Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Polak is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggrevation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."So the Polak takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?", the Polak asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day", the Polak tells himself.So, the next morning the Polak gets up at 4 in the morning and cuts, and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and he only manages to cut five cords.The Polak is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, more...

A Polak saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?"
The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!"
The Polak scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I don't wear my shirt backwards!"
Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands!"
To which the Polak replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"

A Polak saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?"The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!"The Polak scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I don't wear my shirt backwards!"Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands!"To which the Polak replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"

A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance."I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team.""Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly.The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?"The Polak said, "Two!""Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?""Today and Tomorrow!""Hmm... OK," said the coach."How many seconds are there in a year?""Twelve!""Twelve? How did you come up with more...

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and
started lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of the
plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he
himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down
together. The Polak understood and was ready.
The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. The
instructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. The
Polak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air
for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by
jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the
parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get
his parachute open, darted past the Polak.
The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his
parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor andstarted lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of theplane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that hehimself would jump out right behind him so that they would go downtogether. The Polak understood and was ready.The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. Theinstructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. ThePolak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the airfor a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed byjumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but theparachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to gethis parachute open, darted past the Polak.The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to hisparachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

A Polak was jumped by two muggers and fought like hell, but was finally subdued.
His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets. "You mean you fought like that for 57 cents?" asked one of the muggers incredulously.
"Is that all you wanted?" moaned the Pole. "I thought you were after the $400 in my shoe!"