Pole Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why do reindeer have red noses?
A: They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into things on slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen with a red nose (the sleigh doesn't have an airbag, either).
Q: Why does Santa use Elves?
A: There is no trade union for Elves. They're easy to exploit.
Q: Is there really a Mrs. Claus?
A: Highly unlikely. Since Santa is surrounded by male figures (Elves, reindeer named Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen etc.) his sexual preference seems to tend towards homosexuality. He is said to have some problems finding a gerontophile/zoophile Elf for a threesome with a reindeer, though.
Q: Does Santa really live on the North Pole?
A: Uncertain. However, rumor has it that the story of Santa and the North Pole has nothing to do with the Arctic, but that Santa is known to frequently ask the Elves and reindeer if he can shove his pole up north. Obviously, this is related to the cryptic description "up where the sun don't more...

A phone company puts an ad in the paper that they are recruiting workers.

The next day, two groups of workers show up. The company cannot decide who to give the job to, so they give them a test.

The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that they must install into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first, they will get the job."

Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the Company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back.

A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the first crew returns. "YAY!!" they shout. "We came back first, we get the job!!"

"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic, or that the truck broke down."

"Fine, no problem," say the men.

An hour passes, two more...

1757
The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by
Claus II to begin an ambitious project that of breeding and
training reindeer to fly.

1773
The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's
major form of transportation.

1774
A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light.
He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by
the Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday,
inviting several other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To
impress them, he displays a lavish show of wealth, all at the
elves' expense. He gives the other leaders the impression of a
dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The elves sense this,
and the seeds of rebellion are planted.

1777
As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to search
for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of more...

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide.
The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole.
The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end.
The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement.

The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times

when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground?

The Aggies replied, “we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.

The History of Santa Claus - Part 1
======================
== The Untold Story ==
======================
1689
Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and
establishes a small base camp.
1691
Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew
abandons him.
1692
Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe,
bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds
he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703
Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and
returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp,
half-buried but still intact.
1704
Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts,
and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to
increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar
base.
1705
Claus returns again to more...

How much difference is there between the North Pole and the South Pole?
All the difference in the world!

A Polak was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositiories. A week later the Pole complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results." Have you been taking them regulary?" the doctor asked." What do you think I've been doing," the Pole said, "Shoving them up my ass?"