Polish Jokes / Recent Jokes

...are talking about their daughters.
The Italian guy says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a pack of cigarettes. And I didn't even know she smoked."
The Jewish guy says, "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a full bottle of Vodka. And I didn't even know she drank."
The Polish guy says, "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a box of condoms. And I didn't even know she had a penis."

There are three men stranded on a deserted island (hmm sounds familiar).
One is Italian, one is Irish and the other Polish. They have been on the Island for close to six months and have developed a great rapport with one another and become the best of friends.
One day they are searching the shore for a sign of passing boats when they come across a bottle. When the Italian rubs the bottle a genie comes out (can you believe it!). The genie thanks the three men and says "I will grant you three wishes, but it can only be one wish each and I am so tired of being in the bottle for so long it might take a couple of weeks between wishes".
So the Italian says "I wish I was back in Rome eating a big plate of antipasto"
POOF!!! he is back in Rome like he wished. A couple of weeks later the Genie says ok, to the Irishman, "What is your wish"
The Irishman replies, I wish I was back in Dublin at Mac Murphy's pub with a pint of lager. POOF!!! He gets more...

One day an Italian and a Pollock were fishing on opposite sides of the same river, but the Italian guy was catching all of the fish.
Eventually, the Pollock asks the Italian, "How do you get to the other side?"
The Italian guy says, "I'll turn on my flashlight and you can walk across the beam."
The Polish guy says, "Nice try... Just because I'm Polish doesn't mean that I'll fall for that. I'll get halfway across and you'll turn it off!"

One Russian and one Polish workman were digging the foundations for a new road. After several hours of hard toil, the Polish guy hits his shovel on something hard in the ground.
Both men work hurriedly to dig the object out and discover that its a treasure chest. On opening it they find jewels, coins, gold etc. beyond their wildest dreams. Both are wild with happiness and dance around madly.
When they have calmed down, the Russian takes the Polish workman's hand and ernestly says "Sir, we will share this just like Russian - Polish comrades should" and the Polish guy says, "Oh no, 50 - 50"!

A guy goes into the store and asks the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you: if I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Huh? Would ya??"
The clerk says "Well, no..."
With deep self righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, alright then, why the HELL did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
The clerk says "Because this is a hardware store."

Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland?
The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.

A Polish guy, a German guy, and a Russian guy are all challenged by a skunk on who can withstand its smell the longest in an outhouse.

They decide the German guy goes first. So he goes in.
After about 5 minutes, he walks out saying, "Oh god, that smelled horrible! I can't take it anymore!"

Then the Polish guy goes in.
After about 6 minutes, he too walks out, saying, "Shit, that smells worse than anything!"

Then, the Russian guy goes in.
Time passed, and the other two waited, and waited.

After about an hour, the skunk runs out saying, "I can't fucking stand it anymore! He took his fucking shoes off!!"