Politicians Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

Most children are like politicians. You only see them when they need help.

It was obvious early on that Giffords was going to live and that no vital organs had been hit. Doctors handed her an envelope stuffed with hundred dollar bills shortly after the shooting, and she able to tell them by feel exactly how much cash was in the envelope.

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the
road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole
and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the
politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians
lie."

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do. After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a question. "God," he said, "What is heaven like?" God replied, "Well, normally I don't tell people this, but since you are my servant, I guess I can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It will have the best of everything. For example, the French will be the chefs; the Italians will be the lovers; the English will be the policeman; the Germans will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the politicians!" The man looked pleased. "What is hell like?" he asked. "Well," he said with a sigh, "the French will be the mechanics; the Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers."

There was a man who was getting ready to be hanged by the politicians of Aaronztown City. The only way he could ignore death was to convince the mayor to make the politicians change their mind. So he did.
"Hello Mayor Green, I am here to discuss important matter."
"Okay. Very well. Do you want to make any comments before we begin?"
"Yes. Do you mind if I examine the things around here before we begin?"
"Yes."
Darn. Okay, my first question. Do you mind if I do not get hung by the politicians?"
"Yes."
But, I have a family, a long life ahead of me, and lots of friends. Are you sure you mind?"
Yes."
The man growled furiously.
"Do you mind if I don't kill you before I get hung?"
"Yes."

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."