Pool Jokes / Recent Jokes

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."

"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"

Two women who met in the park were busily chatting about their
sons. My sons a doctor exclaimed the first women. He has a
beautiful big house, a Rolls and a BMW, a heated swimming pool
and a tennis court. After bragging about her son she asks the
second woman' What does your son do?'
Well actually my sons a homosexual, said the second woman.
OH I am sorry said the first women.
No need to be sorry said the second woman, he's done very well
for himself. He lives with a rich doctor who has a big house, a
rolls and a BMW, a lovely heated swimming pool and a tennis court.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60 year old man says they can only do it in the movies
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Super glue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water
Pool filters do not like Jello
VCR's do not more...

Two women were sitting by the pool, and one asked what kind of water they fill the pool with -- fresh water or sea water? The cruise director answered, "Sea water." "Oh, that explains why it's so rough today."

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational. Jim answered, ''We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in.'' There was a stony silence for a second or two.
''Do you know who you are speaking to?''
''No,'' said Paddy.
''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''
''Well, do you know who you are talking to?''
''No,'' roared the colonel.
''Well thank goodness for that,'' said Paddy as he hung up the phone.

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"