Pool Jokes / Recent Jokes
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old Super glue is forever McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water Pool filters do not like Jello VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials more...
Two women were sitting by the pool, and one asked what kind of water they fill the pool with -- freshwater or sea water? The cruise director answered,"Sea water." "Oh, that explains why its so roughtoday."
Q: How do you drown a blonde? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.A2: Don't tell her to swallow.A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
This man is walking down the road and hears someone crying. He stops and looks over the fence and sees a woman without any arms or legs crying beside a pool. He asks "What's the problem?" she says "Well I've never been hugged before." Well this is a nice guy so he hops the fence and gives her a hug. Half an hour later he is going back to his car and hears her crying. He asks "Now what's wrong?" she says "I've been thinking and.. I've never been kissed before". Well the guy thinks what's the harm in giving her a kiss to make her feel better? He hops the fence and gives her a kiss. At his car he finds that his keys are lost so he goes back to the girl and finds his keys there but he sees her crying again. "Now what's wrong" he asked She responds "I've never been fucked before" The guy picks her up and throws her into the pool and says "Now you're fucked real good."
What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock?
In the first case, you help finance the local community swimming pool
In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters' home pool.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms the second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue the head guy. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: “Three goddamn years I’ve spent learning to swim with my goddamn ears, then five seconds before the whistle, some bastard puts a swimming cap on me”