Pool Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she’s crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend.
“As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long”!
The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket.
“He also said he wants to screw me all night long”!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table.
“He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night”!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.
His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn’t doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.
The boyfriend says “I’m sorry Honey, - but I’m not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer”!

An elderly economics professor is standing at the shallow end of the campus pool. A Coed is standing at the deep end taking pictures.
She suddenly drops the camera into the pool. Then she motions for the professor to come to her. He goes and she asks him to retrieve the camera.
He agrees and dives in and retrieve its.
Upon returning he says to her, "Why did you ask me to retrieve the camera when there were many younger and more athletic males closer to her?"
She replied, "Professor you seem to forget that I'm in your Econ I class, and I don't know anyone who can go down deeper, stay down longer and come up drier than you."

141. Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.


142. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.


143. Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.


144. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1:
10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.


145. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.


146. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.


147. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.


148. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets more...

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.
3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say,' 'Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10) Swim near someone and go' 'Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.''
11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say' 'HA-HA, fooled you!''
13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving more...

A very wealthy man named Dick always had dinner parties to show off how wealthy he is. One night, the party shifted to the backyard, where Dick's pool was.

Dick announced to the everyone around, "I have a proposition for everyone. Whoever can swim across this pool filled with sharks, alligators, and snakes and makes it out alive, can have one of three things. You can have 1000 head of my cattle, 100 acres of my best oil fields, or my daughter's hand in marriage."

As soon as he said that, he heard a splash at the other end of the pool. A young man was swimming as fast and as furiously as he could. When he made it to the other end of the pool, Dick exclaimed, "Well son, I guess you want my 1000 head of cattle." The boy replied "No." "Then you want my 100 acres of my best oil fields." And again, the boy said "No." "Oh, then you want my daughter's hand in marriage."

And the boy said, "No. I more...

- No cool Nuclear Missiles to dodge

- The world did not end so now I have to go back to work

- My mother-in-law wants to move in now that our underground fortress will be unused

-The Ball on Times Square did not explode causing Dick Clark's skin to melt off to reveal his alien-reptile face

- With all the bottled water I bought, I could fill my swimming pool. Too bad I already filled my pool with canned string beans.

- I will be eating those canned string beans until Y *3* K.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.