Porch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Desperate to earn some money, a blonde started to canvass a wealthy neighborhood hoping to find a handy-man type job. She asked the man at the first house whether he had any jobs for her to do.
"I would like my porch painted," he said. "How much would you charge?"
"Fifty dollars," she answered.
The man agreed to the amount and told her the paint, ladders, and anything else she might need, were in the garage.
He went back into the house and his wife, who had heard the conversation, asked, "Fifty bucks? Does she realize the porch goes all the way around the house?"
"She should. She was standing right on it!" he replied.
An hour later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" asked the man.
"Yes, sir," she said. "I even had some paint left over, so I put on two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his wallet for the money to pay more...

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man`s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You`re finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the more...

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about. The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell' LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion." Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband' Seven-UP'". "Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband' Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals." Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady. The second lady then more...

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"

Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"

The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."

The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. more...

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "Youre finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50."And by the way," the blonde a dded, more...

You Might Be A Redneck If...
- you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
- you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
- your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
- you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.
- you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- that billboard that says, "Say No To Crack" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
- your wife's hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.
- you go to your family reunions looking for a date.
- you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
- you've got more than three cousins named "Bubba".
- you have an Elvis Jell-O mold.
- taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
- you've got more than one other named "Darryl".
- you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin' contest.
- on more...

Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the dead Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The Fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?" Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish: "I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Bob, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said, "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother." The Fairy Godmother replied more...