Position Jokes / Recent Jokes
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven? "
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York. "
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden more...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign read "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign read "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER". The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to the Seattle-Tacoma airport, and landed safely.After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to more...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE."The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to the Seattle airport, and landed safely.After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position? The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building, because similar more...
DOS Airline:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they
jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground
again, then they push again, jump on again and so on.
DOS with QEMM Airline:
The same thing but with more leg room to push.
Mac Airline:
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers,
and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the
same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are
told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and that
everything will be done for you without you having to know,
so just shut up.
OS/2 Airline:
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different
times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a
form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should
look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus.
If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane
succeeds in getting more...
This is an actual job application someone submitted to McDonald's. They hired him. NAME - Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY - $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION - Yes. LAST POSITION HELD - Target for middle management hostility. SALARY - Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT - My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING - It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK - Any. PREFERRED HOURS - 1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what? DO more...
This is an actual job application!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that more...
This is an actual jobapplication someone submitted at a fast-food establishment... NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU more...