Position Jokes / Recent Jokes

My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of a very difficult timeachieving an orgasm. The Dr said "which position do you use?""Doggy style," said dumb shit."why don't you go home and tonight try it missionary position and see ifthWork jokess any better." said the Dr."We've tryed that" he said, "but my dogs got such baaadddd breath!"

In a letter sent to a job applicant: "Thank you for applying for the position of clerk-typist. We received many applications from very experienced and talented persons. I regret to inform you that you were chosen to be interviewed for the position. Thank you again for your interest."

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position? A: Facing Bloomingdales

A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After arriving safely, the copilot asked the pilot how the sign helped determine their position.... ...

The pilot responded, "I knew that they had to be in the Microsoft building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless more...

Dear Hiring Manager,

Thank you for your letter concerning my application for employment. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impos- sible for me to accept all refusals. Despite your com- pany's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position in your department next week. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Husband:' Shall we try a different position tonight?' Wife:' That's a good idea. Why don't YOU stand by the sink and do the dishes and I'LL sit on the sofa and fart'.

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185, 000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1: 30-3: 30 p. m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're more...