Position Jokes / Recent Jokes
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labor
* I work at great depths
* I work head first
* I do not get, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Response from the administration:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
* You do not work 8 hours straight, who you kiddin!
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
* You more...
Man is like an automobile...
As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad.
The transmission won't go into high gear and sometimes has
difficulty getting out of low. Overdrive is out of the question!
The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest incline. When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top.
The carburetor gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making it hard to get started in the morning. His gas fumes can kill ya!
It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose. His frame has a big bow in the middle too. The thermostat goes out, making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery needs constant recharging.
His shifter is stuck in the down position which is the' more...
Santa Singh Applied For An Engineering Position At Deman Construction Office In Amritsar. Reddy From Chennai Applied For The Same Job And Both
Applicants Having The Same Qualifications Were Asked To Take A Test By The Department Manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon Completion Of The Test, The Results Showed That Both Men Only Missed One Of The Questions. The Manager Went To Santa And Said, "Thank You For Your Interest, But We've Decided To Give The Job To Reddy". Santa: And Why Would You Be Doing That? We Both Got 9 Questions Correct. This Being Punjab I Should Get The Job!" Manager: "We Have Made Our Decision Not On The Correct Answers, But On The One Question That You Got Wrong. "Santa: "And Just How Would One Incorrect Answer Be Better Than The Other?" Manager: "Simple, For The Question That Both Of You Got Wrong, Reddy Put Down' I Don't Know' As The Answer. And You Wrote' Neither Do I'!"
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building more...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft''''s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter''''s position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter''''s window. The pilot''''s sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew more...
Seeking a raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
*I do physical labour
*I work at great depths
*I work head first
*I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
*I work in a damp environment
*I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
*I work in high temperatures
*My work exposes me to contagious diseases Response from People & Quality: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
*You do not work 8 hours straight
*You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
*You do not always follow the order of the management team
*You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
*You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
*You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
*You leave the workplace rather messy at the more...
Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.Fast learner: You will get no training from us.Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.Strong more...