Potato Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were three people robbing a bank, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.
When they heard the cops coming, they went to hide in a barn.
The redhead hid in with the chickens, the brunette hid in with the horses, and the blonde hid in the potato sack.
When the cops came in the barn they passed by the chickens and all they heard was clucking so they did not catch the redhead.They passed by the horses and all they heard was clomping so they did not catch the brunette. They went pass the potato sack and they heard POTATO, POTATO, POTATO, and they caught the blonde.

Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead. How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad. Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater. Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop. What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up. What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing! What do you call a baby potato?
A small fry!

Why is Mr. Potato Head jealous of Michael Jackson?Michael Jackson has had more noses.

New Miracle Diet! Flabby people are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Or is there a slim hope? Such is the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught parents, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor. .. otherwise more...

' The Xmas-Files'
by Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely

57 Elm Street
Bethlehem, Pa.
11:51 p.m., December 24th.


'We're too late! It's already been here.'

'Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing.'

'Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care.'

'You really think someone's been here?'

'Someone, or something.'

'Mulder, over here--it's a fruitcake.'

'Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.'

'It's O.K. There's a note attached:' Gonna find out who's naughty and nice.''

'It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.'

'Who? What are you talking about?'

'Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once a year, near the winter more...

Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your more...

For those of us getting along in years, here is a little secret for building your arm and shoulder muscles. You might want to adopt this regimen! Three days a week works well. Begin by standing outside behind the house, with a 5-LB. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can, if you can reach a full minute, relax. You may start feeling the exercise work with a little pain. After a few weeks, move up to 10-LB. potato sacks After you have master the 10lb sacks move up to the 50-LB. potato sacks. You should start feeling stronger. Then move up to the 100 lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Next, start adding a couple of potatoes in each of the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it at this level.