Potato Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why is Mr. Potato Head the perfect man?
He's tan, he's cute, and if he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.

Once upon a time, there were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladamir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladamir had no success.
Vladamir: "Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?"
Vito: "Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret. . just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public."
Vladamir: "OK. Its a deal."
Vito: "You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedos. When the women see it they come running from miles around."
Vladamir: "That's it? I can do that."
The next day, Vladamir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedos.
As he walked out onto more...

Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.
How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!
What do you call a baby potato?
A small fry!

James was on the beach, and could not understand why Bob had attracted all the girls, while he had no luck. So he asked Rich "why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"
Bob replied "take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!" So James stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Several hours later, he still had no woman. James went to see Bob again and said "I've tried the potato and it doesn't work!" Bob looked at James and asked, "have you tried putting the potato in the front?"

INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out
of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.
Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the
best selling Pentium(TM) processor is released. The
Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and
electonic engineering. This newly developed organic
microprocessor outshines the previous generation.
The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory,
1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than
the traditional 200Mhz PentiumPro(TM) Chip.
The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several
flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Barbeque for those
engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for
secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, sour-cream and onions for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be
released for the Very High End more...

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks. The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat" He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof". The cop says, "its only a dog". He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"

There were three men. An English man Irish man and a Maori man. These three men were running away from the police. They all ran into a resturant were there was a sack of cats, a sack of dogs and a sack of Potatoes. The English man jumped into the sack of cats, The Irish man jumped into the sack of dogs, and the Maori man jumped into the sack of Potatoes. The police went into the resturant and kick the sack of cats. The english man replied Meow so they went to the sack of dogs. They kicked the sack of dogs and the Irish man replied Woof Woof. So they went to the sack of potatoes and kicked it. So the Maori replied POTATO POTATO!!!