Practice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Delonte West skipped a practice with the Cleveland Cavaliers. It's nothing serious, he just needed time to reload.

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all;
Additionally,
a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed, color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.
(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress more...

Frequently I am asked by my readers to explain the mysteries of child birth. Well okay, that's actually completely untrue, but since we're on the subject I want to tell you about Lamaze class.

Lamaze is a breathing technique whereby women feel no pain while having an object the size of a small watermelon claw its way out of their bodies. Yes, this is utterly ridiculous, but Lamaze class has apparently become a prerequisite to giving birth: in fact, a woman in East Jordan, Michigan was recently discovered by authorities to have given birth to a baby without having first attended Lamaze, and the courts actually made her put it back.

Although pregnancy has been around for at least 100 years, most men don't understand anything about it. It was news to me that pregnancy takes place in three trimesters (Trimester comes from the phrase,' Don't you even TRY, MISTER,' uttered by women when men suggest that maybe they can't make it to Lamaze class one night.) The three more...

The Cincinnati Bengals' football practice was delayed today for several hours after one of the players noticed a suspicious-looking, unknown, white, powdery substance on the playing field. Head coach Marvin Lewis immediately suspended practice, and the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents determined that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.

What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.

Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!

The decline has begun.

Japan has one attorney for every 10, 000 residents, compared to the U. S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1, 000 enginerrs. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.

But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six more...

Source: Sunday Daily Breeze
Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10, 000 residents, compared to the U. S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1, 000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six more...

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.“Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her
if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘Why?’ She replied, ‘Because I love you.’”