Practice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Physical Chemistry: The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe.

Organic Chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.

Inorganic Chemistry: That which is left over after the organic,
analytical, and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.

Chemical Engineering: The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.

A man walks into a bar, slams his hand down on the counter and says, "Give me a lady."
The bartender asks, "Do you have experience?"
The man says, " Well, no." So the bartender takes him out back and says, "Practice on this tree for a year and come back to me then."
A year later the man comes back, slams his hand on the counter and says, "Give me a lady. I have experience."
The bartender says, "Alright," and gets him a lady and sends them into the bathroom because all his rooms were full. After about three minutes the bartender hears an awful scream and goes running to the bathroom. The man is shoving a toilet plunger up the girls ass and says, "ME CHECKING FOR BEES!"

A California cosmetic surgery practice is opening a new office where breast augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient basis in about 30 minutes.

... They are going to call the practice "Jiffy Boob."

The Lions practice was postponed today after one of the players found an unusual, white substance on the field. FBI field agents were quickly sent in to examine. After extensive research, the substance was found to be the endzone. Practice was then continued, the goverment sure that the Lions would never see it again.

Aussie swimmer Ian Thorpe skipped the Speedo International, his last chance at competition before the trials for the World Swimming Championships. Thorpe's ability to win without practice is especially impressive when you consider that he has to swim counterclockwise.

One day, a blond went to the store and went to the candy section.
After a while the blonde went to the cashier with 15 bags full of lollipops. The cashier asked "Excuse me miss, but why do you need all those lollipops for?"
"I need to practice." Replied the blonde.

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:
THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves.
True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.
2. How And When to Get Your Human's more...