Prayer Jokes / Recent Jokes

The pastor was invited over for dinner and asked to lead in prayer for the meal. After the brief prayer, Junior said approvingly, "You don't pray so long when you're hungry, do you?"

A short history of medicine: I have an earache. 2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root 1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill. 1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic. 2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.""You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

A short history of medicine:I have an earache. 2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

OFFICE PRAYER
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off and also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow."
Amen

A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head proppped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit.
''I guess you were expecting me,'' he said. ''No, who are you?'' said the father. the minister told him his name and then remarked, ''I see the empty chair; I figured you knew i was going to show up.'' ''Oh yea, the chair,'' said the bed ridden man. ''Would you mind closing the door?'' Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
''I have never told anyone this not even my daughter,'' said the man, ''but all of my life i have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head.'' ''I abandoned any attempt at prayer,'' the old man continuted, ''until one day about four years ago my best friend said to me 'Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of more...

A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church.” The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.” “Well,” says the Tyson man, “we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread....’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken....’”Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed.” Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer
from ‘give us this day our daily bread...’ to ‘give us this day our daily more...