Prayer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.
"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."
"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Little Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."

The Short History of Medicine
2000 B. C. - Here, eat this root
1000 A. D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A. D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A. D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A. D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A. D. - That antibiotic doesn't work any more. Here, eat this root.

Our Morning Prayer. . .

Our Hard Drive

Which art internal

Volume C by name;

Thy code be clean,

Thy fonts be seen

On screen as they are on paper.

Give us this day our documents,

And lead us not into fragmentation

But deliver us our data.

For thine is the SCSI,

And the EISA, and the NuBus,

Forever and Ever,

Amen.

I went to church the other day to free my soul from sin;
I was looking for the preacher, but the preacher wasn't in.
The sexton then assured me that there'd be no use in waiting,
"The preacher's gone away," he said, "to do some demonstrating."
I asked for the assistant - the next in line would do.
"Sorry," said the sexton, "he's demonstrating, too."
"Well, what I want to know," I said, "and I'll make myself quite clear,
While they're off demonstrating, who's running things down here?
"Who's taking care of sinners? Who's leading us in prayer?
Who's feeding all the lost sheep that wander by right here?
Who's baptizing the babies? and, another thing," I said,
"Who's looking out for the sick folks and blessing all the dead?"
The sexton was a wise old man with a twinkle in his eye;
He looked at me and scratched his head, and this was his reply:
"Son, what more...

3-year-old, Reese says his prayer, "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name."A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what
it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from
the prayer. Finally, she more...

A short history of medicine: I have an ear ache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.