Pressing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Prelude:
Here it is! The REAL Windows FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) Version 4. 2e! The authors are still searching for more Windows/Microsoft/Bill Gates related experiences, short stories, origins and other jokes. Please send them to the support site mentioned at the end of this document.

01. Novice-Question: How do I recognize Windows?
If your screen is invaded by countless silly little icons no one is able to understand, if your computers speed is reduced to almost zero, if your hard disk is full, if you can't start your normal programs anymore, then indeed you have made the fatal mistake of acquiring Microsoft Windows!
02. Virgin-Questions: What exactly is Windows? Why do I need Windows?
Windows is a form of modern warfare. It's yet another attempt of the electronics industry to rape and destroy the minds of its unsuspecting victims. And of course you don't need Windows. It needs you. Bill Gates needs you to buy it to get even more rich and more...

A man goes to the doctor and says: "It hurts when I press here" (pressing his side)
"And when I press here" (pressing the other side)
"And here" (his leg)
"And here, here and here" (his other leg, and both arms)
So the doctor examined him all over and finally discovered what was wrong. He exclaimed, "You've got a broken finger!"

DIALOG OF A MAN ON HIS COMPUTER:
"Ok, log onto messenger, let's see now… Ok, um, George is on let's see- Popup… Let's see: ‘Messenger needs these updates to continue or- god, that's the third time this week! Cancel… and it continues! Needs updates my butt… Ok, George2312 invites you to chat. Sure, click on- what?!? Stupid mouse came unplugged. Hang on, let's see, um, where does it go? There we go, plug the- ow! That hurt! Stupid wires, too easy to trip over… Ok, ‘accept,' and type… ‘Hi, George, how are you doing?' And George sends you an invitation to live chat, accept- oh come on! Needs the new updates, god! Ok, fine. Connecting… huh? Page cannot be displayed- ARRG! *pounds on keyboard* Huh? Pressing the shift key five times enables StickyKeys. StickyKeys lets you use the SHIFT, CTRL, ALT, or Windows Logo key by pressing one key at a time. What the heck is that supposed to mean?!? ‘Cancel.' Now, refresh. Ok, connection working. Get the update for OH MY more...

Study Finds Female Beauty Is Male Drug
Brain scans show a man's reaction to seeing beautiful women is similar
to an addict's when he get his fix.
The study seems to be proof feminine beauty affects the male brain at
its most basic level.
Pictures of attractive women activated the same reward circuits in the
brains of heterosexual men as food and cocaine.
The study may help prove we are born knowing what is beautiful and what
is not.
Dan Ariely, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and a
co-author
of the study, said: "This is hard-core circuitry. Beauty is working
similar to a drug."
In a second, related study, men were shown random pictures of women for
several seconds, but could extend or cut the viewing time by pressing
keys on a keypad.
Attractive women were viewed an average of 8. 7 seconds while others
were
viewed for 5. 2 seconds.
The men worked frantically to keep more...

Once Pervez Musharaf invited the Indian prime minister to Pakistan, to show the Pakistani technology.
In the Pakistani parliament, on one side there was indian prime minister and on the other side was pakistan's prime minister. In the Pakistan prime minister's chair there were three buttons. Musharaf asked the Indian prime minister to press the three buttons one by one and after pressing each button he got a punch.
Then the Indian prime minister invited musharaf to India. Same position with Musharaf there where 3 buttons on his seat. After pressing each button Musharaf didn't feel anything. Musharaf was so angry and he told the Indian Prime minister that I am going back to pakistan. THEN THE INDIAN PRIME MINISTER LAUGHED AND REPLIED WHICH PAKISTAN? YOU HAVE ALREADY LAUNCHED 3 NUCLEAR MISSILES AND IT IS NOW NO MORE!!!!