Price Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walked into a curio shop and began to browse. He was attracted to a brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. He asked the shopkeeper for a price, and was told to make an offer. Presently they agreed on a price, and the brass rat changed hands. The shopkeeper warned the customer as he took the money, "This sale is final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat, I won't take it back under any circumstances." The customer agreed and left with the rat. As he walked home, he noticed that a live rat came scurrying out of an alley and began to follow him. Soon there were more, all following him and milling bout his feet. The man began to run, but the rats kept up, and more joined the procession. After a few minutes, thousands of rats were chasing after the man. The man ran frantically for the river, and threw the brass rat into the water. The live rats followed the brass rat, and soon all had drowned. The man returned to the curio shop, and on seeing him enter, the more...
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
A group of Asian women were visiting a village located in South Africa. They came across a booth selling human breast. One of the Asian lady asked the butcher, "Why are you selling women's breast?" The butcher replied, "In Ouagadougou, we have found that consuming women's breast can increase men's sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis." Hearing about the "enlarging the penis" the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast. "Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast." "Give me the price of each!", said the Asian lady impatiently. "The black breasts are $200 a pound," the butcher says. "White breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound." The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast more...
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says …
And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent? ” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear? ”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS). ”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums, as long as he could have more...
What would happen if we priced our "COWS" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "CAR"? LIST PRICING A COWA farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. Oneday, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming overto purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows: BASIC COW.................................................$499. 9Shipping and handling....................................... 35. 75Extra Stomach................................................. 79. 25Two Tone Exterior.......................................... 142. 10Produce Storage Compartment....................... 126. 50Heavy Duty Straw Chopper............................. 189. 60Four Spigot/High Output Drain System............. 149. 20Automatic Fly Swatter....................................... 88. 50Genuine Cowhide Upholstery........................... 179. 90Deluxe Dual Horns............................................ 59. 25Automatic Fertilizer more...
How many Price Chopper employees does it take to wash a table?
Three; one to wash it and two to supervise.
What would happen if we priced our "COWS" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "CAR"?
LIST PRICING A COW
A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One
day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over
to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:
BASIC COW... $499.9
Shipping and handling... 35.75
Extra Stomach... 79.25
Two Tone Exterior... 142.10
Produce Storage Compartment... 126.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper... 189.60
Four Spigot/High Output Drain System... 149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter... 88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery... 179.90
Deluxe Dual Horns... 59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment... 339.40
4X4 Traction Drive Assembly... 884.16
Pre-delivery Wash and Comb... 69.80
______________________________________________
FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE:... $2,843.3
Additional Dealer Adjustments:... 300.00
TOTAL LIST PRICE more...