Price Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize."
As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
What would happen if we priced our "COWS" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "CAR"? LIST PRICING A COWA farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. Oneday, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming overto purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:BASIC COW... $499.9Shipping and handling... 35.75Extra Stomach... 79.25Two Tone Exterior... 142.10Produce Storage Compartment... 126.50Heavy Duty Straw Chopper... 189.60Four Spigot/High Output Drain System... 149.20Automatic Fly Swatter... 88.50Genuine Cowhide Upholstery... 179.90Deluxe Dual Horns... 59.25Automatic Fertilizer Attachment... 339.404X4 Traction Drive Assembly... 884.16Pre-delivery Wash and Comb... 69.80______________________________________________FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE:... $2,843.3Additional Dealer Adjustments:... 300.00TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options)... $3,143.36
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just by touching it, you will definitely CRAP your pants when you hear the price."
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.
The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: The princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester.
In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would more...
Ron Price, a Dallas School Board member, asked the City Council to look into a law that would go after men who wore baggy pants and exposed their underwear. “It’s disgusting, disrespectful, and dishonorable”, said Price. Some Dallas residents may remember Price when he ran for City Council on the “You Crazy Kids, Get Off My Lawn” platform. Opponents to Price are calling the idea racist and targeting minorities, but most are just calling it a ‘complete waste of time’.
In other news, MC Hammer has canceled his trip to Dallas.
A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she`d die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize." But if that wasn`t bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its' going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"
"The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing more...